Being a Loner Really Stinks
Posted by Lauren
That title may be blunt, but it is so, so true. I can be quite the introvert. So much so that despite being blessed with amazing friends, I still manage to be a bit of a loner. But as I struggle to fight selfishness in my heart I realize that I can’t do it alone. Sure, the Lord is with me, and I can overcome sin by the power of His Spirit, but He Himself has chosen to make me a part of His body, the church, so that, by His word and by His Spirit, I might be encouraged to press on in godliness all the more as I interact with other believers. Sure it’s possible to grow when it’s just “me and God”, but that is NOT what God intends. He has so designed it, and so designed me, that I should find my greatest growth when I am pursuing Him alongside other believers, seeking their good and they seeking mine.
With this on my mind recently, I was delightedly reminded of my need for fellowship and accountability today when I visited At The Well and checked out their summer Bible study: We Are the Body.
Today’s study began with the question, “Do you have something in your teeth?” You know, it was a reminder that your truest friend is one who will tell you when something isn’t quite right. It might be unpleasant to have to be the one to break it to your pal: “Your breath stinks.” But in the end, you’ve done your friend a favor. Trust me on this one–one of my life-long best friends proved her love to me in 6th grade by telling me I needed to brush my teeth! My dad had always said, “Your friends don’t love you like your family does–they won’t tell you if your breath stinks, for example.” Haha! Thank you, Meredith, for proving him wrong!
I digress…
The point is, we need to be the loving kind of sisters that gently confront each other and encourage each other–even when it’s uncomfortable. That’s part of being the body of Christ. That’s part of being a true friend in the Lord.
Along those lines, the study left me with two questions to consider:
Do you daily study your “reflection” to see if you have “something in your teeth?” (James 1)
And:
What kind of accountability of believers do you have in your life right now?
These are good questions! First off, I shouldn’t neglect my own responsibility to seek God’s face and dig into His word, pleading with Him to show me where I need to change and listening when He does. I’ve needed this challenge recently–I all too easily get an attitude when someone falls down on their job of keeping me accountable: “Humph! If you’re not going to hold me accountable, I’m going to show you just how much you’re failing me! I wouldn’t be doing so poorly right now if you had just checked up on me!” I shake my head in shame….
The second question highlights a particular spot in which I am very needy. I am surrounded by amazing godly women at church on Sunday and during a weekly Bible study held at a lady’s home. But I’ve never sought out one of them to hold me accountable. I’ve thought and even prayed about it for a long, long time. But still haven’t acted. I’ve been an island for far too long. God forbid that I put off seeking the wisdom of a godly older woman any longer!
This comes into play when I consider this blog. Abigail and I began writing with a desire to be Titus 2 women, encouraging younger ladies in the Lord. And though we will continue to do so as long as the Lord allows, I am realizing more and more that I am one of the “younger women”. I need to be taught how to love my husband and my son (and future children), to be a sensible and pure worker at home, to be obedient to my husband–to keep God’s word from being spoken of as evil. I am not there. I need guidance!
And so I pray that my “loner days” are soon to be over. Praise God He is always with me and He has given me a godly husband to lead me–but I am eager to praise Him for what I will learn from one or more godly older women in my own local church!
His design for His people is so good! I can’t wait to be more and more a part of it!
Lead Me
Nathaniel heard this song on the radio yesterday when he was driving home from work. He found it very moving–and quite unique. It deals with God’s call (and a family’s call) for men to step up and lovingly lead. Here is the acoustic version with lyrics. Hope this is encouraging to you all and your families!
Similar thoughts–from the other side: One Man Against a Lion
Purity and the Bigger Picture
Lauren’s Story
A number of our readers have asked questions about my personal “purity” experience: What were some of the boundaries you set when you were single? Did those change when you got engaged? And what about now that you’re married—how do you relate to men other than your husband? I hope to address each of these questions as I tell my story below, and I’ve divided my life in to five “phases” that I hope will help to illustrate spiritual and practical changes that have taken place in my life.
Phase One: The Formative Years
Though not raised in a Christian home in my early years, I was certainly blessed with very conservative, loving parents who wanted to teach me right from wrong and protect me. Somewhere around the age of 8 we had a discussion about dating and sex. My parents told me that I should save sex for marriage and that the house rule was no dating until I was 16. It all sounded very reasonable to me, so I agreed without hesitation.
Even having those barriers in place, my little heart was already all astir with romance. I remember dragging a boy around by the arm on the playground in preschool—forcing him to marry me. And later, in second grade, I remember wishing I could kiss a little boy in my class. Most people see this as cute and innocent. But it was lust on a lower level. Disney movies probably didn’t help. And as I grew older and my movie selection broadened to romantic comedies, I was carried away by my own romantic daydreams. Isn’t it amazing how little-girl daydreams turn into bigger-girl fantasies?
So my thought life was less than clean, even at a young age. I had accepted my parents’ rules without question, but my heart had its own fun in the meantime. I seriously thought I’d get my first kiss when I was 16 and able to date—as though some wonderful guy was waiting for me to hit that magical age and then sweep me off my feet! Thankfully, the Lord saved me when I was 13, and the Spirit began His work in my heart…
Phase Two: Decidedly Single
I had a sincere relationship with the Lord from the time I was 13 and on. So as I actually approached the legal dating age, I began to evaluate my life and wonder if I was ready to date. I figured that dating wasn’t a good idea until I was comfortable with where I was in my walk with the Lord. This seemed very wise at 15, and others commended me for my view. But in the back of my mind I wondered, “When can I ever say that I’m happy where I am? How can I say, ‘OK, God, we’re doing fine, I’m deep enough with you now, so I can afford to be distracted by a boyfriend’?” At that crucial point, my mom heard about I Kissed Dating Goodbye and bought it for me. That book, though I wouldn’t say it’s perfect, helped fill in the gap on the dating question. If I’m not at a point where marriage is an option, I don’t need to date at all! I’m free to focus on the Lord and not worry about a relationship for now!
That was great in theory, and for the most part it worked in practice—I’ve never dated anyone but my husband, and that is such a huge blessing! On the other hand, purity goes a lot farther than “not dating” or “saving it all” for your husband in the way we usually understand it. Purity is a heart thing. And I’d developed some bad habits of clinging to crushes, imagining myself marrying them, and allowing my thoughts and emotions to be swept away by someone who wasn’t my husband. That was anything but pure. And to top it off, I was really shy about liking boys, unwilling to open up to my parents (especially my dad) about anyone I liked. So not dating actually made it easier to hide what was in my heart from those who loved me most. While I do recommend not dating, I don’t recommend keeping your heart from your parents.
So my high school years were a constant struggle against lust and raging emotions—old habits that had been around since preschool. Looking back it makes me sick to think that I obsessed over certain guys like I did. No, I wasn’t “boy crazy” in the since that I drooled over any “cute” guy that walked by, but when I did have a crush, I certainly paid him too much attention—attention intended for only one man–allowing my heart to wander from the Lover of my soul.
Phase Three: The Real Battle Begins
Something different happened when I met Nathaniel in the first week of my freshman year of college. Maybe I was a little more grown up, a little wiser, the Spirit having a little more sway on my heart, but when I met him and found we were like-minded (and I was interested in him), I told my parents as soon as I went home for Labor Day a week or two later—and I openly told my dad.
This new person was unlike any of my old high school crushes. Not that I thought marriage wasn’t an option with the guys I liked in high school, but when I met Nathaniel things were much more realistic. Here was a guy I really could see myself marrying—to the point that it made all my previous crushes seem silly. After I knew Nathaniel for only about 2 months, I was fairly certain I wanted to marry him. I can’t say that’s exemplary (or wrong, for that matter), but it’s my story.
Now, meeting the man of your dreams four years before marriage is a viable option makes for quite the difficult journey! And it was rough on his end, too. I remember reading and re-reading Elizabeth Elliot’s story in Passion and Purity and asking, “Lord, are you really going to make me wait four years like you made her wait???” Thankfully, unlike Mrs. Elliot’s case, Nathaniel said nothing to me about “us”. He worked very hard to guard his own heart and mine—refraining from expressing his feelings for me—until he would ask me to marry him almost four years later.
One thing that impressed me about Nathaniel, and that will give insight into my own personal standards of purity in guy-girl relationships, was that he never tried to hug me—in fact, he didn’t really touch me at all. That was quite refreshing, as I had developed a somewhat hands-off approach to guys since high school when a friend hugged me quite tight and made me uncomfortable. “Casual” barely begins to express the way guys and girls related to each other in college. Physical contact wasn’t thought to be a big deal—long hugs were given in every direction. So to find someone who had never dated, wanted to save every expression of physical affection for marriage, and who sought to guard a girl’s purity about as much as his own was an amazing blessing. That’s not to say that other guys weren’t also a blessing in that area, but Nathaniel was exemplary (then again, I may be partial…).
There were a few points of compromise over those four years. Though we both thought it best to avoid spending time alone with members of the opposite sex, we happened to end up running together when after two weeks the rest of our running buddies dropped out of the habit. We continued to run together until the end of the semester, and then just never brought it up the next semester—both of us convicted that we didn’t need to be spending that kind of time together.
Another point would be playing the “slug bug” game on road trips. Granted, these road trips included more friends than just ourselves, but somehow I think Nathaniel and I enjoyed punching each other more than anyone else…
So the standards we each (separately—we never discussed “us”) sought to uphold were not to spend time alone together and not to express any kind of romantic interest or affection—physically or verbally. I can’t say we did this perfectly, but those were our goals. I thank the Lord for guarding my heart on more than one occasion when I felt helpless to guard it myself. There were times I was dealing with something and I wished Nathaniel would have hugged me—but I’m so thankful that he didn’t. He gets to give me plenty of hugs now. And I learned to better rest in the arms of my Father at that time.
About half way through college I wrote a poem that dealt with the struggle of surrendering my dreams of marrying Nathaniel to the Lord. The poem continues to bless me every time I re-read it, and I hope that it will be helpful to others, as well.
It honestly doesn’t seem like most of college was especially difficult until the last semester. We were just friends, after all, and we enjoyed our college experience without the drama of a relationship–or of a potential dating relationship. It was easy to keep things at this level since we both knew that marriage wasn’t an immediate option (I’d heard along the way that Nathaniel didn’t want to get married until he finished college and had a job lined up to support a family). But when graduation was on the horizon things were different. That “far off” time when something might come of our friendship was staring me in the face. And much to my chagrin, I had to make plans for my life after college without expecting anything. I applied for jobs, even got offered a good one, but I was miserable trying to figure out what to do. Nathaniel had wanted to propose earlier in the semester, but the Lord delayed things on his end, which made my struggle wane on, but allowed my heavenly Father to work in my heart a complete surrender. I praise Him for His timing! During this time, I still saw Nathaniel as a close friend, but was letting go of my desire to be with him. It hurt. Misplaced emotions eventually have to be dealt with, and it’s not a pretty sight. Praise be to God that only a few days after my final surrender, Nathaniel did ask me to marry him!
Phase Four: Betrothal/Engagement—Have the rules changed?
Having been promised in marriage to Nathaniel, my life took a new turn. Where before expressing our feelings and longings would have been inappropriate (for lack of a commitment), now we were supposed to let down our guard emotionally in anticipation of our coming union. I don’t think I really “fell in love” until about three days after Nathaniel proposed—when the initial shock wore off and the last line of my defenses laid down their arms. Having worked so hard to guard my heart up until this point, I can honestly say I’ve never been in love with any other man. Despite my less than admirable infatuations in my earlier years (which now seem so trivial), I can rejoice that my heart is fully my husband’s.
In the physical sense, Nathaniel and I vowed not to touch each other until our wedding day. No holding hands as a couple, hugs, or anything. In effect, our “physical relationship”, which was non-existent while single, remained the same during our engagement. At this point, we could claim each others heart, but not each others body—that would come later, in one package. And so the way I related to other men didn’t change either. I was still guarded emotionally and physically. Hand shakes, high-fives, and holding hands in a group prayer was about it with anyone. Thankfully, our commitment was not too hard to keep since Nathaniel was in Oklahoma and I was in Texas during this time. That kind of long-distance engagement was quite nice as it encouraged communication—which we had much to do having not talked about sharing a life together before this point! We talked about all aspects of our upcoming marriage. It was a great time of anticipation and preparation!
Phase Five: Purity in Marriage
We shared our first hand-holding, kiss, and hug at the altar on our wedding day (which are a very special part of the “whole package” intended to be shared in marriage). I’m getting giddy just thinking about it. The pay-off from having saved everything was just wonderful, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
Now that I’m married, purity has taken on a new dynamic. It is pure to give myself away now—to my husband. One of the best ways to guard mine and my husband’s purity is to completely and continually give what I’ve been saving for so long!
As far as other men are concerned, I’m surprisingly a little more relaxed in my standards. I don’t get offended as easily when someone tries to hug me, though I do try to turn it into a quick side hug! There is somewhat a difference to me now. I’m secure in my husband’s arms, and when there is a brother in the Lord who has a pure reputation and consistently hugs everyone around him to greet them, it doesn’t bother me—especially when we’re with another couple who we’ve known for years. There’s just something about knowing both a guy and his wife that makes things a little more comfortable. That’s not to say every woman should act as I do, but that’s my own experience. I still do shy away from any man who strikes me as flirty—even if he’s not apparently biased with his hugging. There are a few people who make me uncomfortable enough that I would work hard to avoid getting a hug from them! And in general, I don’t offer hugs, just hand shakes and high-fives! And Nathaniel is fine with my “standards” for relating to other guys.
On non-physical issues, I don’t find myself “needing” to have deep conversations with any other man. I may ask a teacher a question every now and then, or join in a group discussion over a meal, but my practice is to pick my husband’s brain and enjoy talking to him about everything! In doing this, he and I grow closer to each other and grow together in the Lord—which is the real goal of purity anyway!
My Story and the Bigger Story
I hope that what I’ve shared can help you to pursue purity in your own relationships. But beyond mere temporal application, I hope you can see the beautiful design God has for His church, and what kind of pure love we are to have for Him. You see, we were all once daydreaming about other lovers—some of us even acting on those dreams. But then this One guy came along…
When we come to see Jesus for who He is, we begin to see how petty and even ugly our devotion to other lovers has been. This brokenness leads us to plead for His mercy, and to our astonishment, He not only pardons us based upon His own sacrifice, but purifies us and makes us His bride! But we’re only enjoying the thrill of the betrothal or engagement now. One day He will come for us, and then the real celebration begins. For now we are to fall more and more in love with Him—in preparation for going to live with Him forever. We forsake other lovers, purifying ourselves because we have this amazing hope of seeing our God face to face! That is the real purity we pursue: Pure devotion and obedience to our Lord and Savior. If we miss this, we’ve lost sight of the purpose of our living as Christians. Purity in relationships here on earth is just one small part of the bigger picture! Get excited!
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My Heart in a Field of Dreams
I wonder why my heart does wander
Upon fields of dreams yet to be
Taking along a scythe to harvest
What yet does not belong to me,
When riches all divinely given
Offer now a precious find.
Certainly I would embrace them
If my heart were not so blind.
Across the field I see a light
I gasp-it is a fire!
Sent by One jealous for my heart
To destroy my untimely desire.
“These dreams must be forgotten now
Their ashes will nourish the soil.
My rain and sun will produce in time
The right crops without your toil.
“Simply follow after this Lamb of Mine;
Love Him and do not depart.
Trust Me,” my Gardener and Guardian said,
“Allow Me to keep your heart.”
Done mourning over the barren field
Taking the hand of Love so tender,
My anxious heart finds its rest
At last in humble surrender.
Chasing now this spotless Lamb
I am overcome with glee,
That running through the blossoming field
He is all I see.
A lesson learned now becomes
A message I must deliver:
Fix not your heart upon the dreams-
But on the dream Giver.
Copyright 2006 by Lauren
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Lust: It’s Not Just a Guy Thing
Posted by Lauren
Most of the time when we think of lust, we envision someone of the male species taking more than a glance at someone of the female species. But lust is hardly limited to this scenario.
Lust is a strong desire. In our understanding of it, it is a strong desire for something withheld or forbidden. For us ladies, this can rear its ugly head in two very different forms.
The first could be synonymous with “boy craziness”, though it is not as innocent as it sounds. Before I went to high school I had heard that guys talked nasty in their locker rooms. But what came as a shock was that girls did, too, as I discovered while being a part of my high school’s softball team. But should it have been a surprise? Looking back, not really. This kind of thing began in elementary school, when girls would talk about how they wanted to kiss so-and-so, or in middle school when they thought Jonathan Taylor Thomas was so “cute” or “fine”. At some point that seemingly innocent interest in the opposite sex graduates from preschool and jumps straight into “higher education”. Really, it’s sin at every level—it’s lust at every level. It just gives way to more lust, more sin.
The girls who talked about guys in the locker room are not the only ones with a “problem”. Those of us who have enough sense to keep our mouths shut can have just as much filth on the inside. We need to watch over our hearts with all diligence, for from them flow the springs of life (Proverbs 4:23). If we’re not careful to guard our hearts, they’ll end up polluted and will produce filth rather than beauty. This goes for lusting after marriage as much as it does for a random guy who just walked down the hall. A lust for marriage turns into a lust for the blessings of marriage—emotional and physical. What’s worse is we often pick a guy who we are currently interested in and toy with the idea of marrying him, imagining all that goes along with that. So where does a healthy desire for marriage turn into sinful lust? That’s a tough question. A better one would be: Has my healthy desire for marriage turned into an idol that robs God of the affection He deserves? Have I paid more attention to a certain person I like than to the Lord and those whom He has given me to love already (parents, other family members, my sisters in Christ)? If there is an idol—even if your thoughts are not about sex at all—there’s a problem. And deeper sin is just waiting around the corner. Stop now and turn around. Seek your parents’ counsel and accountability either from them or a wise, trusted friend (keep in mind that friends your age might be wise for their age, but they may not be very helpful to you if they struggle in the same area). Determine what steps need to be taken to remove stumbling blocks. Are you reading romance novels or courtship stories that fuel the fire? Stop reading them. Are you watching movies or TV shows that make you long for your own happily-ever-after? Stop watching them, and keep in mind that TV and movies are very unrealistic. Are some of your friends trying to get “juicy details” out of you rather than encouraging you to guard your heart? Explain your struggle and ask them to stop, and if they don’t you may need to stand up to their taunts or simply distance yourself.
This is tough stuff, isn’t it? Feels like tearing away pieces of yourself, doesn’t it? But that’s what Jesus calls us to do in our fight against sin—and lust in particular.
Matthew 5:27-30 27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; 28 but I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart. 29 “And if your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out, and throw it from you; for it is better for you that one of the parts of your body perish, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 “And if your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off, and throw it from you; for it is better for you that one of the parts of your body perish, than for your whole body to go into hell.
So is it wrong to think someone is attractive or to desire to be married one day? No. But if those thoughts or desires are left unchecked our sinful hearts can take them where we know we shouldn’t go.
As if that weren’t enough already, there is another kind of lust that plagues women—single or married: the lust to have another woman’s body. We face it every time we check out at the grocery store—magazines and tabloids sporting fabulous photos of famous people who have flat stomachs, perfect figures, and pretty faces. I find it much harder to ignore a beautiful woman than whatever guy is the latest definition of “hot”. In fact, marketers know this and use it to their advantage—both men and women are attracted to a beautiful woman. The men want her and women want to be her.
This, again, is a problem of the heart. And we deal with it in much the same way as we dealt with guy-directed lust. What is causing you to stumble? Magazines? TV shows? Movies? Friends who obsess over their appearance (and yours)? Going to the beach? Is your definition of beauty one that is informed by Scripture, or are you chasing after the super-skinny super-models (be they scantily dressed cover-girls or squeezed-into-a-corset Jane Austin heroines)? Renew your mind in God’s word and focus on His beauty. And don’t try to dress “sexy”. This will certainly be a blessing to your brothers in Christ, and it will likely help you to be less focused on looking like a model.
And for better advice and clarity than I can give, check out this article: Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor’s Curves. For a more thorough study of lust, Joshua Harris’ book Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is) does a wonderful job of handling this subject biblically and tastefully.
Fighting lust is a tough battle for both of the sexes. So if you’re a girl that struggles with lust, be encouraged that you’re not alone. And be even more encouraged that God gives us grace to overcome our sins as we depend on Him and renew our hearts and minds in His word.
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Lust is the Problem
Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is) by Joshua Harris
Original Title: Not Even a Hint
Multnomah Publishers, Inc. 2003
Book Type: Christian Living, Purity
Rating: 10 out of 10
Recommended? Absolutely, with parental guidance
Overview: Joshua Harris, author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, tackles the tough subject of lust in this concise and practical book. Mr. Harris helps his readers to understand the way God has made them as men and women, and how they can fight temptation and seek to live pure lives according to God’s standard. Full of insight and advice, this book is a must read for anyone who struggles with lust, offering encouragement and pointing to God’s word to find strength for the battle.
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: The only thing really ugly about this book is the subject matter: lust. That may be an uncomfortable subject for some, but it is handled in a very godly manner.
Praises: This book really does help. If taken to heart, it can provide a biblical perspective on lust (and sin in general), as well as give guidance to those willing to put that sin to death. Mr. Harris challenges us to examine our hearts and submit our thoughts in obedience to Christ, with the goal of there being “not even a hint” of sexual immorality in our lives. 
Concerns: I liked the original title better. It was a bit more delicate and brought Ephesians 5:3 to mind. That said, this book is excellent no matter what you call it.
Tips for getting the most out of this book: Be prepared for serious heart-searching and confession. Sin is not to be dealt with lightly and this book will challenge you to fight it full-force. Have index cards ready to write out Scriptures to memorize, and journal about your struggles and victories if that helps. Above all, yield to the Holy Spirit’s prompting as He calls you to “put off” your former lusts and “put on” the Lord Jesus Christ.
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Mean Texas Chili
It’s that time of year–cold, overcast days are upon us–which means it’s the perfect time to eat chili! This is my family’s recipe. I’ve lived outside of Texas for about 6 years now, and though I’ve tried some very good chili since my exodus, I can honestly say that “cain’t nobody make it like them Texans can make it!” And especially my parents.
Just a warning: The title is quite accurate. This is a mean Texas chili. If you don’t like spicy food and would rather eat “wimpy” Texas chili, omit the cayenne pepper. 
Ingredients:
1-2 tablespoons oil
2 onions, chopped
3 cloves of garlic, finely chopped (or about a tablespoon minced garlic from a jar)
3 lbs. any (or any combination) of the following: sliced steak, chili meat, or ground beef
3 cans diced tomatoes
1 small can of tomato paste
3 tsp salt
8 Tbs good quality chili powder–I find mine in the Hispanic/Latino section of the store
3 Tbs ground cumin
1 Tbs cayenne pepper
1 tsp thyme
1/2 tsp oregano
1 cup of water
2 cans of beans (pinto, red, or kidney work well)
Directions:
Heat oil in pan. Saute onions and garlic. Add meat and cook until done. Pour into slow cooker.
Add diced tomatoes and all seasonings. Stir in one cup of water. Cook on low for about 4 hours.
About 20 minutes before serving time add drained beans.
My family always ate this over rice with canned pears on the side to cut the heat. You can also eat it on its own or with Frito’s, as Nathaniel likes it. It’s great topped with sour cream and cheese. This batch should make at LEAST ten servings (filled my 5 quart Crock Pot to the brim!). 
Leftover Pie!
When Nathaniel was out of town for a couple of days I wasn’t very motivated to cook for just one person. Fortunately, I had made a huge batch of taco meat (5 lbs) before he left. We had tacos at least twice, then I figured I’d munch on it the rest of the week while he was gone. But after about 3 days of taco meat, I began to have mixed feelings.
So, I decided to make use of the leftovers in my fridge—using them to jazz up my taco meat. I had some creamy corn leftover from a church function, some rice from stir-fry night, and some green onions just begging to be eaten. Toss in a can of beans and cream of mushroom soup, top with cheese, bake, and voila! A new meal! I was even able to mix it all in the pan—so very few dishes to clean! This filled a 13 x 9 inch baking dish…so I’m not sure what I’ll do when I’m tired of my taco meat in this form…freeze it???
This was fun and just reminded me of a tip I could share on living frugally. Since the baby has arrived, it’s been a challenge to keep up with normal household responsibilities. I asked and Nathaniel agreed that I could cook in bulk and we could eat the same thing for several days in a row if necessary. This saves me time and money. Eventually, I’ll turn this into cooking in bulk and dividing into portions to freeze so we have a greater variety during the week. But for now, this works, and works well. And it has given me lots of opportunities for making “Leftover Pie”. In the past I’ve been less-than-praiseworthy when it comes to using up items in the fridge before they go bad. This has been a fun way to avoid that! Having a few cans of cream of mushroom soup, corn, beans, and other staples on hand means you can stretch out just about anything!
What kind of “Leftover Pie” have you made lately???
A Couple More “Blogs Worth a Look”
Posted by Lauren
There are two blogs I’ve been wanting to highlight for some time. Both have been a great encouragement to me when it comes to godly living and practical homemaking.
The first is Desiring Virtue, where my friend Jessalyn writes. Here you’ll find GREAT practical tips and encouragement on all kinds of things: from cloth diapering to spending time with the Lord to budgeting and cooking! I absolutely love her blog! Check it out!
The other is Pursuing Titus 2, which contains a plethora of articles and studies on topics related to, you guessed it–being the kind of woman God calls us to be in Titus 2! While I heartily encourage others to enjoy this site, I also want to advise caution for younger readers. This blog deals with some subjects that may not be appropriate for young or unmarried ladies. So, as always, seek your parents’ wisdom and counsel before browsing this blog.
That’s all I have for today! May the Lord bless you as you seek to please Him!
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Telemarketers and Cultural Studies
Am I “unemployed”? I think to myself as the telemarketer rambles off her list of options to describe my situation.
“Are you working full time, part time, retired, or unemployed?” she asks.
Hmm…Well, I guess I could say I work full time, but that wouldn’t be what she means.
“Uh…unemployed,” I answer.
I suppose if we had caller ID I could avoid answering these questions altogether. But since we don’t, I’ll have a little fun musing over these uninvited interactions.
The phone rings. I answer. A man on the other end of the line politely asks if this is the “female head of the house”. I say “yes” while thinking, “I’m not the head of this household, my husband is. And I’m happy about that. You can call me the lady of the house and my husband the head–I won’t be offended!”
This is not to make a big deal over words or labels. I just think it’s interesting how careful our society is to assume that you might be a feminist and you might be easily offended. Hooray for political correctness!
I know being a stay-at-home wife and mother is not the norm these days, I just find it interesting that hardly anyone worries about offending people like me. Maybe stay-at-home moms are in general too busy and too fulfilled to be easily offended???
I did get a rather refreshing phone call the other day:
“Are you working full time, part time, retired, unemployed, or a homemaker?”
>Smile<
“I’m a homemaker.”
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Non-stick cooking spray?
When I read the care information…
…for the set of pots and pans we received as a wedding gift, I found that cooking sprays that you buy in the store are not recommended—they actually can harm your cookware (and some would argue they’re not good for you anyway). Instead, the instructions suggested taking a small squirt bottle and filling it with the oil of your choice. So, I tried it and it works quite well. I keep a little bottle of olive oil near the stove (not too close, you’re supposed to keep stored oil away from heat sources), and whenever I do stir-fry or cook eggs I just grab it and spray the pan. It won’t come out in an even mist, but it allows you to control the amount of oil you put in the pan and coats it well enough. I found a small squirt bottle for less than a dollar in the bathroom/beauty supplies section of a local grocery store.
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Monkeys, Apples, and Diapers, Oh My!
Posted by Lauren
Well, I think it’s about time I posted something. So here’s what’s been going on in this Scott home (and hopefully this will give you an idea of why I haven’t posted much lately!!!).
Elijah is 2 1/2 months old now! The sweet little boy is growing strong! We had a “reunion” with our birthing class last weekend since all of the babies have been born now (Elijah being the youngest). One of the other moms made onesies with each baby’s name on it! So cute! Gives me ideas…
Elijah is the youngest, so he's on the end!
With Papa
With Momma
We had a bit of excitement yesterday. I did tons of laundry and the drier sounded horrible. Nathaniel said we shouldn’t run another load through it until he had a chance to look at it and fix it. But at the time that decision was made, a load of diapers was already going in the washer! So, we improvised…
Living Room Clothes Line
I had another little oddity yesterday…I finally decided to do some baking, making Dutch Apple Bread since we had some apples to use up. Well, here’s what I wrote on my Facebook status:
Well, the apple bread flopped. Or should I say slopped? It tested done, but that was only because instead of being “too wet” in the middle, it was nothing but wet! I need to check that oven temperature…Anyway, I scooped the batter off …of the kitchen table and back into the bread shell that I put back into the loaf pan–and back into the oven it all goes! We’ll see if it’s salvageable.
It was indeed salvageable, but it didn’t look so pretty. We ate almost half of it last night anyway! We didn’t slice it though–it would have fallen apart if we did!
Yum.
And here’s a picture of our little monkey today.
Grace and Peace!
Three Beautiful Blessings
I’m sitting here at my desk, eating some satisfying oatmeal and enjoying the fact that my house is clean. The bathrooms have been scrubbed, the spiderwebs swept away, the furniture dusted (except for a few missed spots where little hands couldn’t reach), the floors vacuumed and mopped where needed. Ah…it’s a good feeling.
And just what is my secret to being eight months pregnant and enjoying a nice, clean home? Three beautiful blessings. Three sweet sisters, ranging in age from 8 to 17.
Not long into my third trimester fatigue began to set in (actually, it just increased—I’ve been tired this whole pregnancy!). I don’t sleep through the night, and during the day I end up having to take a one to two hour nap. And if I ever try to plow through a day with no nap and little rest, moving from task to task, I end up wiped out the next day. My big belly and achy hips mean I move more slowly, wear out more quickly, and can’t fit into places that I used to (example: one side of our bed is only about 12 inches from the wall—this means making the bed is quite the challenge!).
Add to my regular responsibilities all the little things that must be done to prepare for our son’s arrival: wash baby clothes, research baby products, write thank you notes, read up on natural childbirth and godly parenting, get the baby/guest room ready, figure out how to organize baby items and where in the world to put them, find a pediatrician, pack for the hospital… Yes, I am preparing for motherhood!
Now don’t get me wrong, I love being pregnant, even with its added challenges and limitations! But about a month ago I began to realize I just couldn’t keep up. Groceries, meals, laundry, bills, and budgeting have taken priority over cleaning to be sure. So when I heard through the grapevine that one of the families we knew at church loved opportunities for their girls to serve, I gave it some thought. And when I hadn’t gotten around to housecleaning for several weeks I became desperate enough to ask!
Asking for help was quite humbling. It’s not like I can’t dust or scrub or vacuum or mop (though my back tends to dislike the latter). Each time before the girls have come over I’ve thought to myself, “Why am I doing this? Can’t I take care of these things? I’m not incapable.” And that’s true—many women in my position just clean where they can and keep moving. I could, too. But once the girls get here and we get to talk and laugh and listen to music while they clean and I tackle things like deep-cleaning the kitchen, doing laundry, and paying the bills, I begin to realize what a blessing I’ve been given. Not only do I get my house cleaned, but it affords me the time to do some things that I might not have otherwise been able to do that day. And aside from getting things done, we’re all encouraged by each other’s fellowship.
I share this to praise the Lord for the blessing of His people and to encourage you to think about what you could do to help someone in Jesus’ name. It’s summer time. And that means many of you younger ladies have some extra time on your hands. Are there people in your church or in your neighborhood who could use a hand? Are any sick, disabled, or just worn out from all of the responsibilities that they have to juggle? Are there any pregnant ladies, elderly folks, or single moms in your life? Or even mothers with a few young children? Can you clean, prepare a meal or treat to share, write an encouraging note, offer to watch the kids, or just be pleasant company to those who are lonely? I encourage you to make the most of your time this summer and make someone’s day a bit brighter. You may never know what a beautiful blessing you can be!
No Decrease in Increase
Proverbs 31:11 “The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.”
The heart (inner man/mind/will) of her husband (lord) trusts (has confidence) in her.
This is a secure trust because she is reliable and he knows it. He can entrust the management of his home and money and children to her because he is confident in her ability to care for these things and see that in each area there is an increase. She not only maintains their home and possessions, she beautifies them, improves upon them. She not only refrains from spending money carelessly, she makes a good return on it by using it wisely and even investing it so that it increases. She not only cares for the basic needs of her children, but she trains them to be a blessing to their father. This woman is not a minimalist when it comes to her responsibilities. She is what we might call an over-achiever. What her husband entrusts to her she will not only be careful to preserve, but will also improve upon it!
This concept is expressed again in the second half of this verse: “And he will have no lack of gain.”
The Hebrew word for gain here refers to spoil, goods taken in victory. Basically, she makes him successful. He has no decrease in increase. Because of her careful management, he is not limited in growth potential, but is actually set free to succeed beyond his current sphere. He may have limitations on his time because of the work that he does, but his wife makes sure that she has no part in slowing him down. He is able to dedicate more time to God’s word because she has taken care of the physical, practical needs of their home. He has more time to invest in his children because he does not have to baby-sit his wife. He has more opportunities to serve and to lead because he can safely trust that his wife has taken care of what he has entrusted to her. He should even have more time and motivation to dote on his wife, deepening their relationship, because she is such a blessing to him. And more than just sparing him time and energy, this godly woman allows her husband to move forward in confidence because he is not at all worried about things at home—she creates a worry-free environment for him by managing her responsibilities well. He may have to deal with undependable people all day at work, but when he comes home he is at ease because of the faithful, fruitful labor of his wife. Being in her presence is a great comfort to him.
I think that this verse pretty well sums up the rest of the passage (aside from the statement at the end that she “fears the LORD”). We see the virtuous woman’s character and hard work and over-arching goal presented in this verse in very general terms. As we move on from here, we will see how this specifically works itself out in her day-to-day living.
It’s hard for me to let this sink in. This kind of idealism isn’t popular today—we don’t like to think about such a woman because her example reveals that we need to change! And what an example this woman is for us—what an example she is for me! May God prune me, taking away my selfishness so that I can serve and thrive like this godly woman. I must seek to be all that God has called me to be so that I can prop my husband up and help him to be all that God has called him to be! Oh, do I ever need help with this! May God grant us grace that we all would grow in our service to Him—from the inside out.
Virtue is Valuable
Posted by Lauren
I’ve begun recently to pour over Proverbs 31 and have been richly blessed by my time in God’s word. I don’t see myself as especially qualified to teach Proverbs 31 (I have much to learn!), but I thought perhaps my meditations on the passage may be of some encouragement to you ladies. What I’ve reflected on so far has been a great challenge and encouragement to me! So enjoy, and feel free to share your thoughts as well!
Proverbs 31:10 “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.”
Sometimes it seems hard to find an older woman who I can look up to and imitate. There are many women who do well, but few who are truly excellent, few who fit the description of this Proverbs 31 woman. And so it’s easy for me to compare myself with those around me—especially others my own age—and think that I’m doing alright. The reality is, however, that I have a lot to learn! An excellent wife—an excellent woman—is hard to find, especially in a culture that devalues her. But her worth is far above jewels. And so I ought to seek out such a woman as though seeking a great treasure (perhaps one reason I’ve had a hard time finding this kind of woman is that I haven’t been looking very diligently!). And I ought to seek to be this kind of woman with the same fervency.
It’s easy to be discouraged as a homemaker. No one really recognizes what I do (though I have been blessed by a husband who does see and appreciate it—he’s a rare find!). Society as a whole scorns me for staying home when I could be working out in the “real world”. And even many of my brothers and sisters in Christ think I’m allowing my God-given abilities to waste away—I could be a political activist, a school teacher, or have some other position that would allow me to be a “world changer” for God. So I’m a poor steward of the grace of God because I’m seeking to obey His command to be a worker at home. Sigh…
Then I come to God’s precious word. And what does it say of the Proverbs 31 woman? It says her worth is far above jewels (or perhaps in modern terms, a second paycheck). Basically, what this wife and mother does is priceless—it is of the utmost value and it is beautiful to behold. The thing is, I fall so short of that kind of valuable character and work because, though I stay at home, I still have much to learn about what it truly means to be a worker at home, and to allow that good work to spill over and bless not only my husband and children, but also those in the world around me. That’s why this woman is so valuable, so rare. She makes a priority of serving her husband and family, of running her household effectively for the glory of the Lord, and in so doing, she is able to bless her entire community and adorn the good news of her God.
So this first verse on the “excellent wife” is both an encouragement and a challenge for me. It tells me that what I am pursuing is of great value—the time that I invest in serving the Lord by serving my husband is not wasted. I shouldn’t allow the world’s opinion to sway me in my pursuit of what God has called me to be and to do. At the same time, I shouldn’t be content with simply being at home, as though the decision to not take a job outside the home makes me godly! Or as though as long as I’m keeping up with the basics (getting food on the table, making sure the house is presentable when we have company, doing the laundry before we absolutely run out of socks, paying the bills on time) then I’m a good homemaker! All too often I am content to merely get by. A complacent woman will never be an excellent woman. A phrase used several times by the apostle Paul comes to mind: “Excel still more.” When I think of the excellent wife of Proverbs 31, and when I think of just how far I fall short of her strength of character and commitment to good works, it helps to remember that she is a rare and priceless jewel. I’m not alone in my “falling short”. But I should also be encouraged to be that kind of woman, to excel still more, and to seek to abound in these kinds of good works to the glory of God. And perhaps what is most encouraging of all is that by God’s grace at work in me I can become this kind of woman. No, not perfect, but one who thrives where she is planted and who excels more and more in her service to the Lord and to others, reflecting the character of her Savior in all that she does.
May God have His way with me!
